4.    Parents Don’t Have to Be Friends, Just Friendly.   Children love both parents and want nothing more (short of reconciling) than having them get along.  Not just out of love for each parent, but so they don’t feel caught in the middle. Parents confuse being friends with being friendly. You don’t have to like each other, which friends genuinely do, you just have to act friendly, be respectful of and cooperative with each other for the sake of your children. And who knows . . . maybe by acting friendly, you’ll win your kids’ approval and an Oscar.

5.    Remember Who’s the Parent and Who’s the Child?   People struggling with divorce frequently look for a distraction. Some dive into their work as an escape while others take a vow of devotion and dive into their kids.  Many parents fool themselves into believing they are sacrificing their own happiness to help their children cope with divorce.  More likely they are asking their children to sacrifice their happiness to take care of the parent.  Moms and dads who suddenly become best friends with their kids or let them sleep in their bed may want to rethink if it is not the parent who is in need of a best friend and is uncomfortable sleeping alone.  So be a parent and take care of your kids.  But if you’re going to let your kids take care of you, I suggest you ask for a later curfew and more allowance.

6.    Buckle Up For Safety.   What do Superman, The Incredible Hulk and Divorce all share in common?  All three are roller coasters.  The first two are amusement rides (found at Six Flags New England and Universal Orlando, respectively) people take for thrills and chills.  The third is a chilling ride that no one takes for amusement.  Divorce is a process of ups and downs, a journey of moving two steps forward and one step back.  So when you’re feeling strong one day and crying the next, just know that this is normal while riding the world’s scariest roller coaster.  Which is why it is best to wait at least one hour after lunch before going on the ride and . . . always buckle up.

7.    Divorce Can Be A Great Opportunity.   Desperately paddling through the white water rapids of divorce, most only see danger, doom and gloom.  They forget that at the end of the turbulence lies calm and the excitement of a new beginning.  Divorce opens as many doors as it closes and offers numerous opportunities to become whom you want to be.  Use your divorce as a vehicle to practice, for example, becoming more assertive, growing as a person, feeling more independent, overcoming your fear of being alone, succeeding as a single parent or striving toward new life goals.  The choice is yours - go for it!

8.    Take the Money and Run.   More often than you would think, the one who wants out feels so guilty about leaving, they sometimes offer to give away much more than they legally have to in the property settlement.  Beware if this happens.  Take it, because once they get in touch with the anger that prompted them to want to leave in the first place, they will no longer feel guilty and will likely withdraw their very generous offer and possibly offer even less than what is fair.

And remember . . . without rain there is no rainbow, and without a rainbow there is no pot o' gold. So embrace your hardships and never give up on your dreams.

June, 2007